She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
