I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
