Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
