you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
