i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
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Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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