alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
