I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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