i love accidental penises.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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