I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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