THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
