I heard we made out
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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