I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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