No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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