The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
