sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
