I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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