There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
