Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
