so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
