What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
