Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
