Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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