Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
