He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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