she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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