The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
