Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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