Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
