i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
