Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
