I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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