I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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