from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
