maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
