so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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