Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
