fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
