They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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