i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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