I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
