omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
