i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
