Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
That's intense
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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