just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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