it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
