It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
