I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
