So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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