I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
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How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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