Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
