Where is the hickey?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
