Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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