I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
bring money and cleavage
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
