I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
