The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
