Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
