I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
