I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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