There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
