beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
