Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
