On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she smelled like a LAN party
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
