Ambien. No doubt about it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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