I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
