yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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