You just made me feel so damn special
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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