an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
