Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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