I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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