1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
